December 11, 2013 17 Comments
Carter and I aren’t engaged. We aren’t going to get married.
We do love each other. We are committed to each other.
I’m his. He’s mine.
If one of us calls the other his husband, we’re fine with spawning the idea of a marriage-like bond between us and letting people know that’s where we stand. It’s commitment, exclusivity, and love.
But we’re not going to get married.
We’ve talked about it. We’ve agreed we’d like to get married…someday. But we’ve also talked about putting siding on the house, getting a dog, and re-doing the kitchen. I hold all of those decisions on the same level as marriage because all of them require our commitment to each other and the home we’ve made together.
I’m not putting down anyone else’s choice to get engaged or call themselves married. Whatever they want to do for their relationship is up to them. I’m all for rings and ceremonies and anything else a couple wants to do to show the depth of their love.
But regardless of what they say or do, Ohio does not recognize same-sex marriages. It’s in the state’s constitution that they will not and it was put there by a vote. Maybe someday someone will fight it and win, but until that happens, all we have are words we can say to each other.
I think those words matter more than any document, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the right to that piece of paper and every other one. We all deserve that.
Now if Ohio changed and we could get married, would we?
Yes. I’d get down on my knee on television during the Superbowl and beg him to keep me forever, pride be damned. I know what Carter is and I need him in my life. (He could probably do better, but he seems to like me.)
So for right now, we’re content with what we have and, believe me, it’s the best I’ve ever known. I don’t need more.