Grams’ Birthday Follow-up
June 27, 2012 21 Comments
So last night, after work, Jazz and I drove over to Grams’ house on the motorcycle. To distract her, Jazz had her sit in front of him and drive around the neighborhood for a little while. While they were gone, Dad and I set up all the half-naked men cards* all over the living room. When we were done, I swear it almost looked like a tiny strip club. So of course I had to add a little disco ball, cue up the club music, and get the lighting just right. NOW it looked like a tiny strip club!
Grams thought the cards were hilarious! At first, she just liked looking at all the photos, then I pointed out the comments tapped inside. She spent a while reading a few, but said she’d have to read the rest later because they were getting her all weepy. She just loved getting the credit for raising me right and we spent some time hugging the stuffing out of each other.
The rocking chair glider was a GINORMOUS hit. She planted herself in it and sat there the rest of the night like a queen on her throne. Got a little queeny too since she literally didn’t get up for anything. I can’t tell you how many things Jazz had to bend over and pick up for her 
She is so wicked! (He did look edible in his jeans, though.)
Then 4 of Grams’ friends showed up…and brought a stripper! I had joked about getting her one, but apparently they weren’t joking. His name was Paulo and he had a dark tan, black hair all messed up, tall and toned like crazy, great big smile, and wow did he know how to work him some old ladies. 
Everybody got a lap-dance! (Well, not Dad since he fled to the kitchen at one point… The, uh, point when it was my turn actually. 
) Paulo said he was a student with an older girlfriend — loved a mature woman, he said — but he was seriously, disturbingly comfortable grinding all over Jazz. (The fact Jazz watched me and not Paulo saved Paulo from leaving with a few smack-prints on his person.)
After Paulo sashayed his G-stringed butt out of the house — amid a chorus of wolf-whistles — Grams’ opened the rest of her gifts from Dad and her friends. Dad got her a movie theater gift card and, after Paulo, the ladies were eager to see Magic Mike this weekend. After that, the evening turned into discussions of everyone’s memories of strip clubs, bachelorette parties, and Jazz’s trip to Vegas where he saw a topless show which led to one of Grams’ friends telling us about how she was almost IN one of those shows (she got pregnant and they kicked her out).
Overall, it was a seriously hilarious, mildly disturbing night of debauchery.
And then I took Jazz home and gave him a real lap-dance! 
* All comments from the last post for Grams up until 5 PM went into cards. I’ll print out all the ones after that time and give them to her the next time I see her, probably Sunday.
Related articles
- Happy Birthday, Grams! (thornynotprickly.wordpress.com)
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All I can say is your Gram rocks 75! As I read about her birthday celebration, I just kept thinking, I hope my girl friends get me a stripper when I’m 75!!
I wanna be your Grandma when I grow up. Oh crap, I’m almost old enough to be your Grandma. Never mind.
Glad she had fun.
Read your post to my co-workers this morning….they all were rather envious. They think your Grams is a hoot, and were impressed with your planning, the fun she had, and the stripper that eventually arrived compliments of her friends. There were some teary eyes when I read the part about the cards.
So these gals may not follow you personally, but they wait to hear more about you and your family.
Ok….so ya gotta top this next year…….
Hugs!
I really want to hang out with your Grams! Sounds like a party I wish someone would throw for me. Glad she had a great time.
So glad your Grams had a lovely night!! (wishful thinking here, although my children are SO not like that!! and grand-children are too young!). But, definitely, seriously awesome!!
Hugs
Carole-Ann
Now that’s the way to celebrate a birthday!
Motorcycle rides, homemade strip clubs, strippers, lap dances… Sounds like a great time was had by all. Now, if you’d like to plan my birthday bash…. *g*
~Chuckles~ Sounds like you and Grams and everyone had fun. I am so glad now how to top this birthday hmm? You’ll think of something love yas. ~Blows kisses to T and Jazz~ OH and that stripper WOW! Hey Jazz loves you T of course he only had eyes for you Sunshine. ~Winks~
Sounds like quite a party! And Grams’ friends are clearly just as fiesty as she is! Glad you all had a great time and that she enjoyed the cards.
Wow! Sounds like Grams had the most amazing birthday! I wouldn’t mind getting a stripper for my 75th birthday! Heck, hope someone gets me stripper for my next birthday! lol Hugs!
Glad Grams had a wonderful birthday. Sounds like a great night for everyone…maybe parts weren’t as fun for your dad, though…lol. I’m sure it’s a birthday she will never forget.
I wish I could go see Magic Mike with Grams and her friends. Bet that would be a blast. They would probably be like the 3 Golden Sisters. You need to see some of their videos on YouTube. Hilarious!!! They even have their own website.
Didn’t they look at the Kim Kardashian sex tape together? I think one of my cousins sent me that link.
Yes, that’s the Golden Sisters. They have a lot more clips on their site.
Sounds like a great time for everyone! You guys know how to party.
Good on you Thornton–lap dancing that Paulo dude out of existence–pffft–he doesn’t hold a candle to you anyway! So glad Grams had a lovely day!!!
Sounds like Grams had a fantastic birthday. The whole ‘strip club’ motif must have been a real hoot. And how nice that you, too, had a surprise when an actual stripper showed up!
I’m so glad Grams has friends who appreciate her just the way she is. What a great night, and kudos to your dad for hanging out with the rest of you. (I bet Jazz’s favorite part was the afterparty lap dance though – I’m guessing you wiped the memory of Paulo right out of his brain.)
I love it! What a great night for Gram, and for all of you (poor Dad, but he was a trooper!). Gram’s friends sound as cool as she is.
I’m, er..wondering…er….maybe you and Jazz could plan a get-together (ok, a virtual one)…for MY next milestone birthday? You seem to have quite a gift for this sort of thing.
I’m just trying to imagine the riskiness of the motorcycle ride home, with both of you a little distracted by the evening’s proceedings. Do they have full-body helmets?
That sounds amazing! – will go leave a message on your earlier post (sorry, yesterday was not a good day)
I’m so glad to hear that Grams had an excellent time! Btw, the stripper story totally made my morning. I’ll be grinning about that for a while.
Oh. My. God. That was awesome. Like, seriously awesome.
Sounds like you all had a really great night
Now you just need to start thinking how you are going to top that for Grams’ 76th birthday!