The Birthday I Didn’t Think I’d See

Today is my 30th birthday. Like the title says, it’s the one I didn’t think I’d see. When I was injured, I figured my life wouldn’t be worth living much longer. When I was drinking, I didn’t want to live this life. When I was in rehab, I started to learn to take one day at a time and not look to far out. Now I’m here, thirty years old.

It’s surprising, but not. Life’s been worth living for a few years now. Better and better. I still have a bitch of a day now and then, dark times that pull me down and threaten everything. I’ve got reasons to look for the light and people to help me back up again now, though. Feeling like I can do this more often than not.

This year’s birthday isn’t happening with a giant themed party. I’m spending today with Carter, just kicking back and enjoying each other. My parents get tomorrow night, his on Friday. Saturday, we’re going over to Thorny and Jazz’s for a friends get together. Plenty of food, fancy non-alcoholic fruit drinks ;-) and good company. Maybe some games and definitely some fun conversations. It’ll be good.

Mostly, though, I’m damn happy I made it to now.


R.I.P. Peter Cottontail

Mom holding Peter

Mom holding Peter

I’ve never rescued an animal before and really didn’t mean to this time since Alec found him in the driveway and was going to leave him there. All the websites said that trying to save a wild rabbit rarely worked and al ot of the time they weren’t really abandoned. But Peter was in bad shape and I couldn’t resist..

Yes, I named him.

We looked up more stuff online for what to do for him but eventually I called Mom. It’s what you do right? :) She rushed over and brought the kitten milk and heavy cream this one rescue site talked about and a tiny eyedropper to feed him with.

But it didn’t help. At about six-thirty the next morning Peter stopped moving and just died right there in my hand. I’d just finished feeding him but he’d seemed really out of it and tired. I’m telling myself now that he might’ve been alone all day and as little as he was he shouldn’t have been alone for more than a couple hours. Maybe something even got him out of his nest and even though we couldn’t see marks, he might’ve been hurt internally.

My sister said at least he passed while full and loved. That really hit me hard.

I felt so responsible for him! Like what if I’d stayed up all night with him and fed him more times? Maybe he wasn’t warm enough with the heating pad? What if he was scared and that stress got to him? Should we have left him outside for his mother to find? There were too many questions and it was all just so sad..

I guess its just the nature of things that my mind went to thinking about being responsible for kids. I couldn’t keep a bunny alive! I suck at keeping plants alive! A kid? But then Alec took Peter from me and told me I’d done everything I could and then took him outside to bury him. I realized I’m the parent who’ll freak out and Alec’s the one who’ll fix it. Even fix me too. So we’re good together being complimentary you know what I mean? That helped because Alec was there working to keep Peter alive too and though it still didn’t work we tried together. No, it’s not the same as a kid but I think the lesson was still there. We’ll be OK together. Me and my soon-to-be husband. :)

R.I.P. Peter. You were a wonderful little bunny and I’m grateful fate chose to put us together for a while.

Alec and Carter are…


wedding rings
Yes, I wrote once that not all couples get married and talked about how many other things we do in our daily lives that bind us together in our commitment…but that was in 2013 and a lot has happened since then. Carter is the one I want to spend my life with, and he feels the same way about me.

I didn’t do anything fancy, just got down on one knee, held his hand, and asked. He said yes before I could finish saying “me” at the end of “Will you marry me?” Yeah, we both cried.

No set date, no venue, or anything else like that. However, a certain someone blond suggested a double wedding someday soon. ;-)

Grams and Edgar Got MARRIED


Those sneaky people! They had us all over for Grams’ birthday and surprised us with A WEDDING!

It was really adorable. Why are old people in love so adorable?! I cried, of course, but I wasn’t the only one. They were just so damn cute and happy.

Grams was especially happy to have pulled the wool over all our eyes. There was much cackling.

One of the residents married them and a couple of their friends stood up with them. There were flowers all over and dinner really was catered by the community :) Everybody gets involved with the weddings over there. They love it.

And now it makes sense that Grams asked me how I felt about het couples getting married while I couldn’t a couple weeks ago (because we can now!!) 😀 . I thought it was just a conversation — where I said I don’t want to deny anyone in love the right to marry — but now I know she was asking for permission. She wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

Love her so much ❤️

And my new grandpa ❤️

Happy 78th Birthday, Grams!

Since starting this blog, we’ve given Grams a disco full of half-naked men on birthday cards, a pool full of twinks, and a night out at a sports bar where she got the majority of us drunk. This year, she wants…a quiet family party.

She’d do exactly that.

I swear, I’ve been all kinds of twitchy since learning that was the plan. My grandmother doesn’t do quiet parties. I wouldn’t put it past her to have a stripper for everyone — and to have that stripper be 100% the right “type” for their assigned party-goer. Yep, she’d track down the only bear stripper in all of Ohio for me and a twink (with a death wish) for my husband just because she’d think it was hilarious.

No amount of pestering has gotten her to give any further details than a family get-together with a catered dinner in the retirement community’s party room. So we’re bringing birthday gifts and dressing nice even though I kinda want a set of brass knuckles in my pocket.

You know what? As I’m writing this and considering the number of times I’ve checked in with her, I wouldn’t put it past her to be deliberately making us all twitchy. There’s her funny. That conniving little…sweet old lady. {ugh}

I’ll try to remember to update you in the comments after whatever this is happens. Assuming I survive, of course.