family | Thorny, Not Prickly

Updates on a Life Rebuilt

March 27, 2013 by Alec 21 Comments

In addition to feeling better about myself physically, like I talked about Monday, there are things I’ve changed about daily life too. Have to say now that I didn’t do any of it on my own and that’s something I’ve had to learn to allow too.

For a long time, I couldn’t even consider getting a job or doing too much with my days except for just living. Later, I admit, I was more comfortable interacting with people online or at the VA. One anonymous and the other among those who understood me more than most. I read a lot, listened to music, watched TV, worked out, and felt like I was sort of catching up with the real world.

Eventually, chatting with others waiting for appointments at the VA turned into a little more involvement as a volunteer. I still chatted, but also did what I could to make people comfortable, some clerical work, and a little manual labor. I found I liked doing and interacting. Felt like I was working myself back to having a purpose.

Who doesn’t like watching hot guys work hard too.

After visiting Carter on the job a few times, they put me to work cleaning up and fetching things. Occasionally, they’d let me use a power tool or two. Watching the brothers work together, seeing them all doing something they loved doing, had me discovering a love for reinventing spaces.

Honest to God, a few years ago I would’ve never admitted to giving a damn about different shades of blue or whether drop-ceilings were really all that horrific. Now? Yes, there’s a difference between cornflower and stonewashed denim, and of course that’s a terrible thing to do to a ceiling, what’s wrong with you?

I’m officially working for the family business part-time, volunteering a few hours a couple days a week, and feeling a lot more like I’m a part of the world around me. A lot of that I credit to this amazing family for helping me join up.

Filed under Recovery Tagged with being strong, family, joining, love, Mental Health, Relationships, support

21 and Sober

January 8, 2013 by Thorny 52 Comments

I’ve been a little up and down mood-wise lately and finally pinned it on the cause: I don’t want to go out and get drunk tomorrow night just because I’m turning 21 and am allowed to do so. I really don’t want to, but I’ve been tip-toeing around why, avoiding it, and I’ve been paying for that with emotional roller coasters (and making those around me pay too).

So the reasons…

My mother was killed by a drunk driver
My father committed manslaughter while drunk and spent 5 years in prison
He’s a recovering alcoholic and I know another person who is too
I’ve been buzzed but never drunk and I’m just scared of what I’ll be like
Irrationally (because I know Jazz would never) I’m afraid I’ll get left behind/separated/forgotten and somehow end up raped/murdered because I’m too drunk to get proper help — this one I’m blaming on a movie I watched recently. I don’t recommend it.

Four out of 5 pretty good reasons, I think.

I mean, I know, deep down and rational, that I’d be fine because I’d be with people I trust who love me and wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I’d probably be passed out after like 3 drinks (or less) and I know my darling husband would cart my unconscious ass home and see to my well-being thereafter. I know not one person would let me make a fool of myself or get in a bad situation.

Bottle of the Italian wine Chianti in the traditional fiasco basket (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think it’s the first two especially that make me anxious. I can’t really put into words my feelings there, but it’s like I’d be disrespecting or not learning the lesson. Dad’s said partying on your 21st birthday is definitely nothing at all like what he was doing with drinking to numb himself after Mom’s death. I know that, but is there really any reason to get myself wasted just because I’m allowed to now? Doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to do it.

What I do want is to be able to go out and have a glass of wine with dinner. Have a beer during a football game. That kind of stuff. Yes, I’ll probably get carded until I’m forty, but they’ll do the math and I’ll get my drink. I’ll get to be like the rest of the grown-ups. And that’s really all I want to do. So that’s the new plan. We’re all dressing up and going to a fancy-shmansy Italian restaurant where we’ll eat “authentic” and “homemade” Italian cuisine and drink wine with our pinkies sticking out. Happy birthday to me

Filed under Seeing Tagged with Alcohol, birthday, family, love, parents, Relationships, support

Getting to Know Alec

November 15, 2012 by Alec 14 Comments

Though my first post for the blog was on Veteran’s Day, I figured I should post something about myself as a sort of introduction to those who don’t know me or those who’d like to know me better.

So my name is Alec, they called me Edge when I was serving as a Marine, and I’m online as Alec Edge in Goodreads, a Glitter Twin on Facebook, and I contribute to the Go-To Guys posts for Chicks & Dicks. If you’re curious about what I think is hot or interesting, my Tumblr is Alec’s Stash (NSFW).

Looks-wise, I’m 5’10″ and athletically built now that I’m back in “fighting form”, Thorny calls me an Otter to describe my level of hairy-ness, and I’ve got a cross between a fauxhawk and a mohawk that’s about 4″ high now. I lost my right leg above the knee, but Thorny says I still look like I could kill someone with my pinky finger. (I’m not so mean.)

I started dating Jazz’s little brother Carter in April, moved in with him in June, and I owe a lot of my sanity and soul to my man’s love and care. Their family has adopted me like they chose me and were waiting for my arrival. If you’d like some more history on me and Carter, T and J have that covered in Q = Questioning (where Thorny talks about Carter coming out), I Know What I Saw (where Jazz talks about me and Carter meeting for the first time), and My Cowboy Weekend posts (where my birthday party became a tribute to gay cowboys). Carter and I wrote for Chicks & Dicks about When Alec Met Carter, plus there’s me talking about My Experience in Uniform and Gay-for-You, That’s Not What I Call It.

That’s a lot of reading if you really want to know more about me, so I’ll end this post here. I’ll be back later to talk about trucks, marathon training, and No-Tech Weekends.

Filed under Family Tagged with brother, family, joining, support

Update: Me and Dad

September 6, 2012 by Thorny 13 Comments

While my dad was in prison, I didn’t see him. For a while, when I was angry at him, I didn’t want to see him. After we made peace with each other, he didn’t want me to see him in there. I don’t know what the place looked like, what he wore, or how he might’ve been treated. Part of it is he doesn’t want to talk to me about his experiences, probably to save me from it, and the rest is me not really wanting to know what he might’ve gone through. I’ve heard stories. I don’t want to think about them happening to my dad. So we don’t talk about those years unless it’s actually about something we said to each other on the phone during back then.

That’s not to say he doesn’t talk about his time in prison at all. I asked him if he talked to anyone once because I was worried it could be bad for him not to or to try and pretend it didn’t happen or something. The past might be the past but that doesn’t mean it goes away. There’s a reason I’m still in therapy, you know? If he needed to talk it out, I wanted to make sure he did. Thankfully, he’s got a group of guys from his AA meetings who’ve been to prison too and they’re all supporting each other. He might be wiped out after a meeting of either type, but I can see that he’s doing good and he’s genuinely happy. I’ve met a few of the guys and I think they’re really his friends and he’s really theirs. I can’t recall him having buddies like this when I was younger, so I think this is a great thing.

Even though he left when I was 13 and came back when I was 19, I think we’re doing really great too. We have our ups and downs that probably every adult child and parent does, and I know I’ve thrown him a few wicked curveballs in the past couple years. One of the things we do is have dinner together every Sunday night. It’s our new tradition for me and Jazz to go to the house and spend about 4-5 hours helping out, cooking, talking, watching movies, etc. Just being a little family together and it’s really good.

Another thing we’ll do sometimes is get together somewhere quiet (even if it’s just the backyard) and we’ll talk about Mom. Some of my memories of her had faded or twisted in with other memories, so it helps to have his memories to strengthen and straighten out mine. Plus, I have kid memories of her and I want to know what she was like as an adult woman. What sort of person was she? Gets me every time when he tells me he sees her in me all the time. Apparently the way I lean my head in my hand with my first finger resting along my upper lip is just like how she did it. She was passionate and funny, laughed loud and unapologetically, and I look at Jazz sometimes just like Mom used to look at Dad.

So Dad and I are doing really well, I think, and I’m sure it’s going to get even better as we go along.

Filed under Family Tagged with family, Father, Mother, parents, Prison, support

My Clothes and My Dad

June 22, 2012 by Thorny 37 Comments

My post today, the one I was anxious over since I wrote it and mentioned on Wednesday, is actually on Chicks & Dicks right now.

That’s part of why I’ve been feeling like this: Because I’ve wanted to have it happen already, but couldn’t say much since I promised it to them. It’s all about “Living Out with Pride” month over there, and this new thing with my cross-dressing is what I’m coming out with now. So I’m a boy who dresses like a girl sometimes. I’m trying very hard to be brave about it. I’m trying very hard not to ever apologize for being me when it comes to this too. Neither is easy, but I’m trying.

My post on Chicks & Dicks is about “Coming out of the Closet…in Heels” to my dad.

Filed under Events, Family Tagged with being brave, cross-dressing, family, husband, Mental Health, opinions, parents, support

Somebody’s Anxious (i.e., Thorny)

June 20, 2012 by Thorny 59 Comments

I’m sort of wasting time here. There’s a post going up on the 22nd that’s got me…anxious maybe? Lemme look that up.

anxious |ˈaNG(k)SHəs|
adjective

experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome: she was extremely anxious about her exams.

Oh yep. That’s me. So I’m feeling anxious.
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Filed under Events, Family Tagged with being brave, cross-dressing, family, Mental Health, opinions, parents, support