What It’s Like to be Married

In July, when we got engaged, it was less than a month between talking about what it was like to be engaged and the post I wrote about being unashamedly in an open relationship with Carter for the past few years…and mutually deciding to stop being open in favor of monogamy. I’m saying this because I’ve gotten a couple questions about whether things will be any different now that we’re married. Simple answer: No, neither of us are interested in anyone but each other right now.

That seems to be the big difference between being in a relationship to being engaged to being married. For us, at least. We’re focused on each other. Or maybe I’m aware of the focus more? Anything’s possible, and I’m told the honeymoon phase lasts a year.

I’m spending a lot more time looking at his face and into his eyes. Not sure why. Probably that phase, but it gets my heart thumping every time. The claiming too, because there’s my ring on his finger and he’s looking right back at me. Just me. Didn’t know I was so possessive, honestly. Thankfully, he seems to like it.

So there’s still bills to pay and work to do, meals to make and space to clean, but there’s an extra layer of “us” to everything now that I didn’t anticipate but am honored to embrace. That’s us, married.

What It’s Like to Get Married


The Night Before

I don’t know what we were thinking, but we all decided that Jazz would go over to Carter’s and Alec’s house, and Alec would come over to ours for the night before the wedding.

My nerves were going nuts. Alec’s right behind them, which was kind of a comfort. Thankfully, he’s just as much of a cuddler as all the men in the family are, so we stayed there all night.

Morning Of

Alec and I helped each other get dressed up. Or really, we got dressed and then checked to make sure everything was where we intended it to be. Shaky hands, you know. He had a lot of buttons, and I had a lot of hair.

Being the first to see Alec in his uniform on his wedding day felt very special. There were just so many monumental events that had to happen to bring him to this day, you know? It was the first of many times I needed a tissue.

Our parents, Grams and Edgar picked us up in a big white limo for the drive to the courthouse. I couldn’t sit still, but Alec was over there looking like a soldier, all calm and ready for whatever happened. He did wink at me, though, and Grams kept fanning herself ;)

I was on the wrong side of the car to see them as we drove up, but once I got out, there stood Carter and Jazz in their suits. Now I’ve seen Jazz in a suit before, plenty of times. But this time? My God… He was so handsome, sharp, and bewitching. Dark as sin and grinning with it, too. Right at me. {swoon}

The Signing

We knew it going in because we asked ahead of time, but there’s not a lot to the actual getting married part when you go to the courthouse. Basically, you stand there and sign the license with two witnesses and the judge. Quick and done!

But we asked for and were allowed to do a bit more :) Specifically, Alec and Carter wanted to say some vows and exchange their rings. I cried signing my name and lost it completely when they did that. Everything got so emotional! All of us were tearing up or just letting the tears flow. It fit.


It wasn’t a sure thing for the longest time, but we did finally nail down a reception at a very nice banquet hall…that let us grill steaks on their patio! Potato salad, deviled eggs, all kinds of fruit, and wedding cupcakes ;) It was like the best picnic ever, especially since there was dancing.

Now you all probably could guess that Jazz and I would dance together to “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz. And you’d be right! But what’s Carter’s and Alec’s song?

It blew me away to hear it while watching them dance together.

<3 <3

The Birthday I Didn’t Think I’d See

Today is my 30th birthday. Like the title says, it’s the one I didn’t think I’d see. When I was injured, I figured my life wouldn’t be worth living much longer. When I was drinking, I didn’t want to live this life. When I was in rehab, I started to learn to take one day at a time and not look to far out. Now I’m here, thirty years old.

It’s surprising, but not. Life’s been worth living for a few years now. Better and better. I still have a bitch of a day now and then, dark times that pull me down and threaten everything. I’ve got reasons to look for the light and people to help me back up again now, though. Feeling like I can do this more often than not.

This year’s birthday isn’t happening with a giant themed party. I’m spending today with Carter, just kicking back and enjoying each other. My parents get tomorrow night, his on Friday. Saturday, we’re going over to Thorny and Jazz’s for a friends get together. Plenty of food, fancy non-alcoholic fruit drinks ;-) and good company. Maybe some games and definitely some fun conversations. It’ll be good.

Mostly, though, I’m damn happy I made it to now.


Reactions to the F-word (no, the other one)

I don’t like this word. “Owning” it isn’t something I want to do. Don’t use it near me even if you’re joking around or attempting to appropriate it to diminish its power. Just don’t. There’s too much pain for me and others I know that’s associated with being called that word in ways meant to hurt and oppress us. It makes me cringe, makes me angry, and I will lash out at whoever uses it, even if it’s a friend being “funny.” It will never be funny to me.

Future Worries… Or Are They?

“Write about what you’ll be worrying about five years from now. Ten years from now. Thirty years from now.”

642thingsJazz bought me a book called 642 THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT by The San Francisco Writers’ Grotto. Apparently, I’ve mentioned not having anything to write for the blog just a few times too many :P Anyway, the instruction up there was the first one I flipped to, and it kinda took hold.

Five years from now, I’ll be worrying about a toddler. That’s been the plan for a while at least, I mean, wanting to be a parent before I’m 25. Sophie’s actually asked me recently if I’m ready to knock her up yet — which always makes me laugh — but I haven’t said yes yet. Not yet. But, yeah, five years from now, I’ll be worrying about my bitty little kid.

In ten years… Hmm… Probably mostly still the kid. I’ll be in my 30s and Jazz will be in his 40s. I’m betting somebody’s going to have a mid-life crisis or two in there. We might be looking at getting a bigger house or a whether we’ll have enough for the kid’s college. Jazz’ parents will be in their 60s, my dad in his 50s, and Grams… Well, let’s not rush thinking about that.

Thirty years from now seems kinda incomprehensible. We’ll be our parents’ ages! The kid’ll be 25 or so and might be making us grandparents ourselves! O.o I’ll be in my 50s, Jazz in his 60s. We could be thinking about downsizing our lives and his retirement. I’ll be a multi-published author, of course, with a movie franchise under my belt. He’ll have had his Ph.D. for a couple decades or so, but I’ll still call him Dr. Jazzypants ;) We’ll celebrate our thirty-fourth wedding anniversary in the fall.

You know what I just realized I’m seeing? Right now, my “worries” look like some pretty darn awesome life events. I’m sure there will be plenty of things to worry myself into a tizzy over, but… I’m actually looking forward to all of it :)